Kurama
by The Writing Prokaryote
Summary: "Are you a cat?" "...Yes. I am a cat." In which a distraught Kurama travels back in time without Naruto. Rated T for language and questionable content. I do not own Naruto. Whatsoever. Just this writing and the contents within the chapters.
1. The Beginning Of It All

_Kurama—001_

I do not own Naruto, nor Kurama, not whoever else appears in the story who is not an OC of sorts.

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A big, orange, furry snout twitched.

A black nose inched sideways, just a little, taking in the all-too-familiar smell of sewage water, a scent that he was _sure_ he had abandoned a long time ago. It burnt his nose, filed his senses, like a wrathful fog of sorts, bringing back unpleasant memories of days filled with unadulterated abhorrence for the boy who would become his only ally later on.

There was the sound of rhythmically dripping water, an eternal torture he had only been too glad to rid himself of, and yet here it was again, right beside his ears—and it was in that moment that Kurama knew he couldn't deny it any more.

Slowly, ever so slowly, an eye opened, reluctantly scanning its surroundings. Crimson irises contracted in response to the darkness, flashing brilliant vermillion against the backdrop of unidentifiable colours, painted by a man who somehow decided that 'trash' was a good motif to use.

Then the eyelids snapped back in shock, almost bloodshot in undiluted horror as it took in its surroundings—the old scene of pooling, polluted water, the multitude of rusty bars that kept him caged in for sixteen years before he was let out, and the broken seal that locked him up until _he_ had freed him...

'Wait, broken?' Kurama stood up, all of his nine tails flailing in uncharacteristic panic and unbridled confusion.

 _"Shit."_

"U-um…" A meek voice quivered, and Kurama froze, stiff with apprehension, at how damn familiar it sounded.

 _Don'tlookdon'tlookdon'tyoudarefuckinglook—_

Kurama looked.

 _Dammit._

In front of him, stood a boy. Kurama stared—stared at the blonde hair, the short stature, the wide blue eyes, and the haunting whisker marks that made up his favourite container of all time—but it was wrong, because his container, because _Naruto,_ was _not_ , by any means, midget sized (not after that growth spurt of his), and because _this_ child in front of him didn't have a shred of orange on him, and because—because—

A six year old boy stared up at him. Kurama grimaced, sending a forced smile at the kid.

Instead of the warm smile he most certainly _did not_ expect back, the boy began crying his eyes out.

 _Well, fuck._

 _. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ._

Well, there's the first chapter. Super short. Hurrah. I SWEAR THE NEXT CHAPTERS WILL BE LONGER. Pinky promise.


	2. Getting Serious

Kurama—002

It should be noted, first and foremost, that there are two main characters to this story—one being Konoha's resident Jinchuuriki (though he didn't know it yet) Naruto, and the other his from-the-future furball of a stomach invader—Kurama.

Now, it also should be noted that Naruto's life was one of inquisitions, insecurities, and abnormalities, being the loathed jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi and all—yet there were a few things that Naruto never doubted, ever. Things like the fact that Hokage-jiji would visit him once a month, without fail, things like the fact that most of the village sent him strange looks—and it was to those undoubtable things that Naruto clung, like a baby koala to its mother's back, in order to gain some semblance of order in his chaotic life.

One of those things was that Naruto never got sick on his own, unless he ate something really bad first. No colds, no illnesses—it was almost like he had an inbuilt vaccinations system. Naruto most certainly never got spontaneous tummy aches. Or at least that was what he thought it was—it didn't necessarily _feel_ like the queasy, painful wobbling of his stomach when he drank bad milk, and it didn't _feel_ like the little pit of black emotion he had reluctantly labelled 'guilt', either. It was like a sudden, faded, stab of agony, that didn't quite hurt enough for him to scream, but neither did it _not_ hurt enough for him to pass it off as nothing.

And so Naruto stopped himself in his machinations of the day—throwing small stones as passer-by-s from a relatively safe distance on the roof of one building or another—and hightailed it all the way back to the shabby apartment block he lived in, because _dammit the pain was sorta getting worse_ and _dammit he didn't know what it was!_

So it didn't come as much of a surprise, when, five minutes into his arrival at his humble home, Naruto fainted.

It did, however, come up as one hell—pardon, _heck—_ of a shock when he woke up face to face with a hokage-mountain-tall cat.

A bright orange cat at that. Coincidentally also his favourite colour, and he would've been calmer about the situation if:

1\. The cat didn't smile at him, glinting teeth and all - was that blood on them?

2\. If the cat wasn't so huge.

3\. If this wasn't in a very creepy sewer where ghosts apparently lurked, and

4\. If he hadn't overheard Ba-katsumi from two blocks away talking to her friend about how paedophiles lured small children by wearing their favourite colour and offering them sweet smiles and nice food.

And so it was then and there that Naruto broke down crying— for no matter how headstrong, Uzumaki Naruto was still a four year old child—a very easily influenced child who readily believed what was fed to him, especially if it came from the mouth of someone his own age group.

As salty tears dripped down his cheeks, like a waterfall of sweat, but leaking from his eyes instead of his forehead, Naruto panicked. And so he did the only thing he knew how to do in such situations, the only thing a child knew how to do when it didn't know what was going on:

He wailed.

Perhaps Hokage-jiji would hear him and come in a gallant flash of red and white and wrinkles, if he cried loudly enough. Perhaps the masked men that always came to his rescue when things got bad enough would appear. Perhaps the Uchiha Police would flash by, and hear him.

But none of that happened, even as the heart wrenching sobs echoed through the almost silent sewage, even as Naruto's throat grew sore and raw, even as the cat thing stuttered out silent, mostly unused words of comfort that neither jailer nor jailed encountered often—nothing happened.

Now, as everybody sans Naruto knows. Kurama's seal is located inside Naruto's mind. His highly unstable, still developing, malleable, emotional, untrained mind, which, coupled with a really mild but still present form of ADHD (via excessive chakra in his small body), was like a bomb just waiting to explode.

And explode it did—his mindscape, that is.

Literally.

Kurama had dealt with children before.

Namely, his own siblings—from Shukaku to Son Goku, from Saiken to Gyuuki—he had looked after them, one by one, as they grew up. Even though he didn't do a very good job of it—cue an image of a cackling Shukaku floating through his mind—he had still dealt with children before.

But not human children. Never human children.

Now, no matter how dense he may be, which wasn't very dense, Kurama knew that if he tried to throw the young Naruto across the room like he did to his other siblings when they tried tantrum-ing him, it would result in something Very Bad.

Like, ending-with-death Bad.

The problem was, though, that Kurama wasn't the type to throw comfort out at crying jailers like a paedophile threw candy at cute children. The past Naruto had never needed any motherly-brotherly-fatherly comfort before, only a few words of gruff encouragement— _(And where did he end up? Somewhere dead, in another dimension altogether, Kaguya impaled and dying right next to him as he smiled cause even though he was dying, his world would still live on, the empathetic idiot)_ —and so it was then and there that Kurama decided to help this Naruto, in front of him, regardless of whether or not it was HIS Naruto, because this Naruto would never be HIS Naruto.

Not if he could help it.

Kurama cleared his throat, wincing as yet another piercing cry cut through the air, and, along with it, his eardrums.

"Look, Kid, I know it's hard for you, but I'm _not_ going to hurt you—" It didn't seem to be working. Why didn't it seem to be working? "—and all you need to do is _calm down_ , kid, and— _holyfuckingshitwhatareyoudoing_ "

To say that Kurama did not expect the unfortunately not metaphorical wave of impact that hit him when his jailer's crying intensified would be a—pardon the cliché—severe understatement.

It didn't matter though. Either way, he wouldn't have been able to dodge. Not because the tide of filthy sewage waste was too big, and not because he was too weak to do so—it was simply due to the fact that he was frozen in shock, unable to do anything except _stare_ at his distraught jailer with a look of petrified astonishment, as he watched the hauntingly familiar bubbling of malevolent chakra coat the boy like a particularly sinister bubble bath.

"Naruto—nononononono oh no stop you little piece of—no, stop dammit boy stop this at once you'll probably die or something stop—"

Did he listen? Nope. Kurama should've known, he supposed. It was Naruto, after all, bite sized kid or not.

There was a terse silence, in which Naruto's watery eyes blinked up at the towering fox, and in which Kurama patiently waited for the questions to tumble out of him. To his surprise, though, the boy showed considerable self control, only one question—perhaps the most important of them all—shoving itself out of his throat.

"Who are you?"

Kurama grimaced, reluctant to give the boy any sort of information before he knew what the hell was going on. "I'm..I'm a fox."

Naruto blinked, disbelieving, occasional sniffles escaping from him. But at least the waterworks had stopped.

"Are you a cat?" He asked, sky-blue eyes pinning Kurama to his place. Kurama's brow ticked with irritation—didn't he just say that he was a fox?

"…Yes. I'm a cat." He was going to regret this, wasn't he?

"You don't look like a cat."

Yeah, he was regretting it already.

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And that's the second chapter. Because I haven't planned anything at all for this story, feel free to PM me with ideas for it. No, this will not be a Naruto/Multi. I can't take those. Romance would probably be limited, either way, or not present at all—sorry. However, since the pairings haven't been decided yet, and Naruto died in the 'original timeline' before anyone could get together (sans Shikamaru and Temari), shippings are open to altering.

I am not a Naruto x Hinata shipper. Sorry, people, but I'm not. XD And no, this is not a story about humour. I fail at humour-can't write it. Seriously. Better at angst, really-I have a flair for drama, after all. So yeah. Also, this story was an on-the-whim thing, so please, I repeat-please don't be upset it one day I decide to just drop it. It's not really an _important_ story, and I haven't planned anything for it at all, and I've got two others I'm working on (one of them's posted on wattpad, a cowritten piece of work, also Naruto FF, titled 'Euphoric Dysphoria' by HakuBara') (the other isn't even published yet), and also schoolwork..so yeah.


	3. Meeting the Giant Cat

"JIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJIJI—"

Sarutobi Hiruzen, third Hokage of Konoha, hurriedly waved his hand at the ANBU stationed around the place, activating 'Code Orange'. Within milliseconds, all traps around the room and potentially dangerous objects had been removed, cushions now littering the floor as opposed to wooden chairs with sharp corners, etc etc etc. The assassins silently flickered out of existence.

Just in time too.

The door crashed open.

"JIJI YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND!"

Hiruzen gave a benign smile, patting the chair next to him invitingly. A stationed ANBU went to make a cup of hot cocoa for the bundle of destructive sunshine.

"Yes, Naruto?" He asked patiently, one hand steadying the chair as the child leapt onto the cushion and the other desperately pushing some of the more important files away and out of Naruto's grubby hands' reach.

"I HAVE A REALLY SCARY AND HUGE ORANGE CAT LIVING IN MY STOMACH. BUT I THINK HE ALSO LIVES IN MY BRAIN. HE SAID HE SORTA LIVES IN BOTH AND HE'S AS TALL AS A MOUNTAIN AND HE HAS A LOT A LOT OF TAILS AND HE'S REALLY REALLY FLUFFY BUT HE REALLY STINKS."

Distantly, he heard the sound of a shattering cup, and the mournful cry of a perfectly good serving of hot chocolate as it spilt all over the floor. His own heart skipped multiple beats, as the smile he had fixed on his face staggered under the weight of the news.

"What?"

"Jiji, is he a pedophile?"

"I…no, I don't believe he is, but—Agent Dog, if you don't mind—thank you—sorry Naruto-kun—Agent Boar!"

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Needless to say, it took a while for the Third Hokage to get his head around the concept of Naruto's 'pet cat'. It also took a surprisingly long time for him to ensure that the information did not escape the confines on his office, and that everyone who was listening who wasn't trustworthy was subsequently mind-fucked—sorry, mind-wiped by the particularly talented ANBU (Boar) Yamanaka Inoichi.

Meanwhile, Naruto, having been knocked out by a well placed genjutsu (by Kakashi, as ANBU Dog) the moment he finished speaking, had been moved to a makeshift bed constructed of a plethora of pillows, and had been surrounded by as many seals as they could possibly place around him without causing discomfort. Sarutobi personally made sure that the boy was dreaming about ramen, and not the demon fox or a random other nightmare the boy's vivid imagination concocted.

Jiraiya, having received an urgent message practically begging (in Hokage speech, meaning that it involved an ungodly amount of flowery language and thinly veiled threats and guilt trips and the whole package) him to come back, raced towards Konoha as fast as his summons could take him. Which took a total time of approximately half an hour—10 minutes actually travelling and 20 minutes trying to bribe his frog summons into helping him travel.

It was at times like such that Jiraiya discovered that threats and sharp pointy objects and expertly aimed fireballs and blackmail worked a lot better than bribery.

Presently, he awkwardly sat in front of his godson, trying to find a way to explain to the Hokage why the _goddamned motherfucking seal had disappeared and how the holy fuck they were still fucking alive._

Yes.

The seal. Sealing. The Kyuubi.

Had disappeared.

 _God fucking dammit._

"Jiraiya? Is there a reason to be concerned?" Sensei asked from behind him, croaky voice looming over his neck like the blade of a particularly fine guillotine.

"Thesealmayhavedisappeared." He muttered.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"The seal. It's gone." Jiraiya repeated, faintly, still staring in wonder at the tanned stomach of Minato's and Kushina's kid. Trust them to make their hellspawn twice as troubling as both of them put together. He didn't care whether it was scientific or not. Genetics. It had to be.

"Jiraiya, if the seal is gone," Sensei began, rubbing the spot between his brows like it would help him wake up from this nightmare, "then how exactly is Konoha still standing?"

"That would be because I have no wish to eat you humans." Answered the deep, deep, deep voice of someone who was most definitely not Naruto.

Both heads swivelled to the sleeping Jinchuuriki, only to find that he was in fact, awake, and had somehow acquired a pair of brilliant ruby eyes, and a terrifying smile. No, that wasn't Naruto at all.

"Yet." The creature whispered, chuckling.

Jiraiya swallowed. "Hello, Kyuubi."

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Third chapter—yay. We have officially broken the record for the longest story I have ever written.


	4. Uchiha eyes and Yamanaka mindfucks

To the following users: Honour to you, honour to your family, honour to your cow…

Kitsune Foxfire: thanks for the little inspiring comment.

Interviner: thx for thee advice.

:)

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The atmosphere held a tense note to it, as one of the three legendary Sannin and the Third Hokage of Konoha stared the human child-sized monster fox down. Hiruzen counted the seconds, mentally preparing for an all out battle in the middle of the Hokage office, flickering his chakra in a sequence his sensors would recognise as the emergency call. There literally was no way to take into consideration the effects an all out battle would have on the still developing child. As Hokage, Konoha's safety always, always came first.

The terse silence was broken when the Kyuubi sighed, shifting Naruto's body to the more comfortable position of sitting up so he didn't get pins and needles. With great amusement, he noted the absence of agitated jumps and twitches denoting the prowess of both shinobi before him, wondering whether he would be able to take both down with him should he choose to rampage.

Not that he would. Naruto, both his Naruto and this kid, would be furious with him. But it was an interesting thought all the same. He didn't think he'd be able to handle the wailing if he did manage to devour the two before him. "Relax, humans." He ordered, as haughtily as one could when one looked like a four year old.

Jiraiya was the first to respond, chuckling nervously, "As if we could. We have the nine-tailed fox in front of us. I doubt anyone could properly relax."

"Naruto did." Kurama pointed out, thinking of how quickly the brat warmed up to the idea of him being his new pet 'cat'. He shuddered when he thought about the possibilities of the past, more asshole version of him meeting up with the kid Naruto.

Jiraiya didn't really want to think of the implications of his beloved godson relaxing around a carnivorous, hate-chakra constructed demon fox the size of two really fat Gamabuntas.

"Where's Naruto? And why is the seal broken?" Interrogated the Sandaime, not making a single move, still scrutinising the being in front of him. He never realised that the demon fox possessed some level of intelligence—yes, Kushina had once mentioned that it could in fact speak, but it was more likely that the tainted chakra had manifested itself into an 'intention', which directly translated to words. The mind was a complicated place, after all—and, as much as Hiruzen loathed to admit it, Naruto's was probably more complicated than all of them could imagine.

The possibility of Naruto viewing the entirety of his own subconsciousness scared him. In fact, the very idea of Naruto's subconsciousness scared him.

Meanwhile, as the third was having an existential crisis concerning someone else's existence, Kurama was trying to think of a way to phrase things without making the situation more awkward than it already was, and without causing too much damage to the poor brains (or lack thereof, in his humble opinion) of the two shinobi. Really, "I come from the future in which a crazy rabbit lady tries to take over the world with a mutant sharingan moon" didn't sound too good. Neither did "Well, if you must know, both of you die in grotesque ways by the hands of your pupils…" or "Hey I'm not going to destroy the world so could you just let me go y'know?"

So he sucked it up and resigned himself to his fate of once again meeting one of those red-eyed bastards' descendants. "Just bring an Uchiha in" were his words to be exact.

Kurama glanced at the flabbergasted expression of Jiraiya's face and smiled.

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Uchiha Shisui wasn't really sure what he was doing exactly. All he knew was that one moment, he was standing on guard in the Hokage's office, and in the next he was on a couch with the biggest headache he could recall having ever since that one time Sasuke felt it was a good idea to push him down from the top of the Hokage mountain to 'test whether he could fly'.

The snot-nosed brat was just jealous that Itachi liked Shisui better than him.

Back to the topic, the concerned face of Yamanaka Inoichi (technically 'taking a break' from being the head of T&I by 'joining the ANBU forces to view his lovely kouhai at work' but in reality performing subtle psychoanalysis tests on them to check whether they had finally dropped off the deep end or not) was currently blocking his field of vision, which he felt was rather disturbing, since it wasn't very often that he found the face of another so close to his own. And a male at that. A married one.

He didn't know if the last fact made it worse or better. Either way, his brain had short-circuited for a good half minute, before finally reminding him that brutally killing one of his coworkers in a fit of panic was not a good idea. Not that he would able to anyway, but attempt murder was just as bad, especially seeing as Yamanaka Inoichi was apparently qualified to lock him in an asylum for rehabilitation if need be.

Cousin Kikuno had been rescued from its' grasps five years ago, and she still couldn't get over her obsession with intense colouring sessions. The repair cost for the resulting house fires that appeared when she got frustrated by the difficulty of filling in the lines had been one of the many reasons why Fugaku-jii-sama had given the 'OK' for her request to travel around the world by herself, provided that she sealed her sharingan up first getting a variation of the Hyuuga's handy tattoo with the help of one of the Hyuuga clan members. The whole fiasco had been kept secret, mainly because the Hyuuga didn't want to admit that they had an obsessive tattoo artist with a few screws loose in their clan, and the Uchiha didn't want to admit that said tattoo artist had then eloped with their own colouring-obsessed pyromaniac.

Both clans blamed the Yamanaka, whose head was currently still hovering over him like a directionally challenged bluebottle. Itachi, as descendent of one of the clans, and as a child who had been reared up hearing the terrible tales of Uchiha Kikuno and Hyuuga Hikaru who both had been sent to the Asylum for prolonged periods of time, Itachi too harboured a healthy dose of fear for the clan of blonde mind-fucks—sorry, mind-experts.

The logical part of him told him it really wasn't that scary. The child side of him who somewhat still believed that girls had cooties thought otherwise.

So it was to his great relief and surprise, when the Hokage strolled in with the great Sannin Jiraiya at his heels, and commenced to peel Yamanaka Inoichi away from him and drag him into the office. Never mind that usually when the Hokage had to physically drag you away bad things happened.

Shisui thought of cousin Kikuno. The chill down his spine warned him of straying near the Yamanaka clan again.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sneak peak at next chapter:

The smell of sewage water was probably imagined. Most likely. Hopefully. Shisui didn't understand how Uzumaki Naruto could stand it otherwise. Perhaps each person's perception of the state of this mental prison depended on their own personal experience, seeing as the blonde kid was currently having the time of his life splashing around and shooting waves of dirty water at a mountain sized orange fox.

The Kyuubi.

Either Uzumaki Naruto had inherited his mother's terrifying bravery (and stupidity, that one time the redhead had handed Fugaku-jii-sama a fizzing can of soda which spurted all over him never really left Shisui's eidetic memory…the sharingan may have helped), or the kid was just generally clueless about the danger he was in. Shisui surmised that it was mostly the latter…or so he would argue, for any kid but this one. This one, after all, had decided that it was an absolutely brilliant idea to spray paint the entire compound bright pink and orange. Yesterday. Had Shisui not been the one to catch him early enough, the boy would probably still be scrubbing paint off the compound walls. Seriously. A four year old. What even? Well, he did harbour the Kyuu-bi inside him, so he probably literally couldn't even…hah…haha...

Mental-Shisui coughed. His real body twitched slightly. Probably not the time to be making puns.

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A/N: I'm still brainstorming ideas on what will happen next. Feel free to PM me some inspiration, though I might not reply. On a side note, this ff is surprisingly well-received. Thanks to all you readers. ;)

I haven't received any flames yet, and part of me is glad while the other part of me is mildly sad because flames, in all honesty, are quite funny to read. Once you get over the fact that they're attempting to verbally beat you into the ground, that is. Neither have I gotten any death threats, actually, so its either because this story's not popular enough for death threats or people just don't really want to terrify the author who posts super short chapters when she gets compliments. Or everyone's just really nice. Thx. Not sure my way of measuring popularity is…necessarily healthy or not, but let's see how this goes down. XD

There's the very short appearance of another mystery-not-mystery-really-obvious character in the next chapter, sort of since it's basically just a shadow, or at least there's supposed to be. Meh. Hint 1: he's dead. Hint 2: Think of that really famous quote from Darth Vader that everybody and their pet chihuahua knows.


	5. Sewage Water Baths and Other Icky Things

Kurama—005

Hey all,

This chapter's a little more on the long-and-windy side of things, and it's mostly just explaining random things?

Forgot to mention this previous previous chapter, but the 'cat' thing is in fact inspired by Lucilla's oneshot 'Underwear The Cat'. Thanks to LiveForeverOrDieTrying for the reminder. So yeah credits to Lucilla. Thanks to everyone who reads this and who continues to read this even though I update so damn slowly. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Just thanks in general for the support. This is getting slightly awkward. I'll shut up now.

Enjoy~

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The smell of sewage water was probably imagined. Most likely. Hopefully. Shisui didn't understand how Uzumaki Naruto could stand it otherwise. Perhaps each person's perception of the state of this mental prison depended on their own personal experience, seeing as the blonde kid was currently having the time of his life splashing around and shooting waves of dirty water at a mountain sized orange fox.

The Kyuubi.

Either Uzumaki Naruto had inherited his mother's terrifying bravery (and stupidity, that one time the redhead had handed Fugaku-jii-sama a fizzing can of soda which spurted all over him never really left Shisui's eidetic memory…the sharingan may have helped), or the kid was just generally clueless about the danger he was in. Shisui surmised that it was mostly the latter…or so he would argue, for any kid but this one. This one, after all, had decided that it was an absolutely brilliant idea to spray paint the entire compound bright pink and orange. Yesterday. Had Shisui not been the one to catch him early enough, the boy would probably still be scrubbing paint off the compound walls. Seriously. A four year old. What even? Well, he did harbour the Kyuu-bi inside him, so he probably literally couldn't even…hah…haha...

Mental-Shisui coughed. His real body twitched slightly. Probably not the time to be making puns.

The Hokage had, after all, given him a mission. A highly important mission at that—a mission that Shisui frankly believed he wasn't qualified for, given that it was supposed to be his job to…negotiate with a thousand foot tall monster fox and somehow rescue the kid from the recesses of his own mind while he was at it. He was already failing at the second bit, seeing as the kid was perfectly happy playing with his 'pet cat', and had insisted rather violently that the 'cat' would be lonely if he went away.

Kyuubi himself, in all his orange glory, had simply laid back and watched the ensuing chaos, and had blatantly laughed himself sick when the whole argument had ended up with Shisui looking very much like a drowned rat.

Yes. Rat. And Cat. Very funny.

Shisui gave a strained wheeze. What did they honestly expect him to do? Snatch the kid away? Kidnap him? Defeat the mother effing Kyuubi?

Part of himself thought it was actually because he was the only convenient Uchiha available to them, especially since he was on Hokage-guard duty at that moment. That part of him also thought that the Sandaime was just trying to get back at him for all those times he (silently and subtly, like a good ninja) guffawed whenever Naruto drew on the old guy's face while he dozed off in the middle of his paperwork.

…Nah, couldn't be.

"Kyuubi-san—" He tried.

"Kyuubi- _sama."_ The fox corrected, sending him a wide grin filled with very sharp, very pointy, teeth. Perfect for skewering under-qualified Uchihas with.

"Right. Kyuubi-sama." Shisui agreed amiably. "The Sandaime sent me to…negotiate with you about letting Yamanaka-san…view you memories?" Not good. Not firm enough. Too unsure. Shisui coughed.

"Yes. I know. I was the one who told him to get you in the first place," the fox drawled, lazily swishing his tails and sending a tsunami of sewage waste in the kid's direction. The brat reacted by laughing and somehow countering it with an even bigger wave, causing the water to spray everywhere. Seeing as the duo had somehow figured out how to make water barriers in the mind scape, Shisui was the only one who was soaked. Not that i made much of a difference.

There was an awkward period of silence. Shisui desperately wanted to throw a fireball or two at the fox and the kid, but seeing as a) he was surrounded by water and b) it was the Kyuubi and his apparently friendly jinchuuriki, his actions would probably end with him being kebab'ed on a particularly fine tooth or claw. Said jinchuuriki was currently using the fox's many tails as makeshift roller coasters, his delighted screams and shouts for encores cutting across the not-so-tranquil atmosphere of stunted social capabilities.

"Why me? Why not just get Yamanaka-san to directly contact you and all?" Shisui sputtered out, wiping excessive gunk liquid off of his face.

The Kyuubi grinned. "Cause last time we had a Yamanaka arrive without warning the lass was scared to death by me." He paused, as if in consideration. "That, and the Yamanaka clan's jutsu can't directly access this mental place cause it's a chakra construct linked somehow to Naruto—but not to his brain,, and it isn't part of the actual mental storages. Before they would have been able to, but now there isn't actually a proper seal so I'm just sort of hanging around in an extra pocket dimension spontaneously created by the remnants of Yondy's chakra that happened due to the backlash... Sharingan, on the other hand, can. I have no idea why though." Kyuubi glared at a dark corner of the room pointedly. "Nor do I have any idea why the person designed it as a bloody sewage place."

Something shifted in the shadows, and Shisui caught a brief glimpse of a bright yellow flash. "What was that?"

"A nuisance." the Kyuubi answered shortly. "Just shut up already and bring the Yamanaka in with you."

"How do I—" A wave of chakra, powerful, blistering, blinding, suffocating, pushed towards him. The last thing Shisui saw was the brusque movement of the fox's furry shoulder, jutting up and down in the movement known universally as 'The Shrug'.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Shisui's eyes snapped open, meeting the wrinkled visage of the Sandaime.

"We'll have to wing it, then!" Jiraiya the Sannin cheerfully concluded. Shisui wanted to punch his smug face in. He refrained from doing so only because it would technically be considered as treason.

The Sandaime, seeing the strangled looks on his two underlings' faces, heaved a weary sigh. "No matter how ridiculous it sounds, Jiraiya is right." He pacified, eyeing the irritated Uchiha with a healthy degree of wariness. "Despite this being in my office, and in seemingly safe surroundings, this can in fact be classified as an SSS-ranked mission, as nearly all missions concerning the bijuu and jinchuuriki are. Naruto's seal is gone. We are extremely fortunate that the Kyuubi has yet to make any hostile moves. I fear that if I bring in any more shinobi in he will begin to oppose us."

Inoichi bowed his head, accepting of the circumstances, and also the unspoken words. It was still unclear as to how the Kyuubi knew the sharingan could access the mental landscape he resided in. After all, no Uchiha had ever been permitted by the Hokage to actively search for the bijuu within the jinchuuriki, before Shisui. Shisui was only able to do so via trial and error, and after many attempts.

Shisui's heart sank. "Hokage-sama, the Uchiha clan would not do such—"

The Hokage smiled benignly, cutting him off. However, he remained silent—and it was then that Shisui knew his arguments would not be taken into consideration, especially so since he himself was an Uchiha.

Hiruzen, on the other hand, grimly thought to himself that the Uchiha might not be the only ones in possession of the sharingan nowadays.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Dun dun dun—or, the opening sound track to 'A Walk in Yamanaka Inoichi's Mind As He Walks Through Naruto's.'. Alternate titles include 'Mindception', 'Mindfuck', 'Legilimenising', 'How I Met Your Bijuu', 'Do Kyuubi's Dream of Human Stuff', 'Of Freaks of Nature and Ramen', 'Fear At First Sight' and 'Kurama and Naruto's Meeting With the Very Violent Psychotherapist'.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .

By the time Inoichi figured out how to get into Naruto's pocket-dimension-not-seal-thing, the sun had already fallen, leaving but a few remnants of its burning glory in the form of multicoloured streaks against the clouds. Exhausted, impatient, and generally very pissed off, he clambered up to the rusting iron door which he sort of doubted actually had anything in it, just like the last 37 doors he had tried.

Inoichi opened the door. A millisecond later he slammed the thing shut again, barely escaping the gigantic wave of water that poured towards him.

He breathed in a deep, calming, breath, which he then followed with choking, since the air in the sewage was…for more acquired tastes than his.

He opened the door again.

This time, however, it was too late to close it. Within seconds his pristine trench coat (which his wife just bought for him, thank you very much) was mercilessly drenched, the stench of dirty water emanating from every thread of the fabric like a vengeful curse. Anger flared up in him, tendrils of absolute rage stirring the frozen muscles of his face into something a little less placid. Even the Kyuubi, whom Inoichi had imagined to be endlessly hostile, quietened down in the face of his wrath, and beside him Uzumaki Naruto stood abashed, guiltily kicking at the water he stood on top of with his sandals.

Inoichi, on his part, felt both impressed and mortified. Impressed because the kid could actually stand on the water at such a young age, and mortified because…well, he was standing next to the Kyuubi like one would stand next to an elder sibling when they got in trouble from a parent. The thought that he would ever be anything close to the parental figure of a monstrous being like the nine tails was a thought terrifying in itself. And he really didn't want to even touch the train of thought about being anything like a father figure to the kid. Kushina's undead soul would never forgive him if he went wrong with the boy somewhere.

He brushed away the fading hints of rage from his mind, diplomatically nodding his head at the duo whilst doing his best to not look like an idiot. Personally, he didn't really think it was working, but, well, they weren't laughing, so he must have been doing something right.

"I've come to negotiate." He put it bluntly. There was little use playing the diplomat when both sides (apart from the kid) were mostly clear on what the other wanted. At first he had believed the Kyuubi to be but a dumb beast, with little regard for the more delicate aspects of human social reasoning such as politics and other mind numbing intrigues, but he had come to see evidence that that, was not in fact true.

A beast wouldn't know how to negotiate with the Hokage and threaten him, for one. In a very much roundabout way that involved a lot of yawning and drawling and half assed intimidation tactics, but it was still threatening.

The creature now regarded him like he was a specimen under one of those fancy microscopes the medics used, making him feel very much empathetic towards them, wondering if they, tiny cells they were, were able to feel the nervousness that he was now feeling. People often made the incorrect assumption that as the head of T&I, he was able to switch off his emotions in the blink of an eye, something he found particularly amusing. He never bothered to correct it. With some prisoners it made them that much more cooperative. The main point was, he indeed felt emotions, and in fact, he felt them quite strongly—you needed to know what your 'clients' thought and felt to crack them open, and being in the head of many he knew some emotions more than he knew others—especially that of fear.

Currently, he was feeling fear, as well as the overbearing weight of responsibility on his shoulders. He believed that, should the Hokage have had any other choice, he would not have been the one to come visit this place. The fact that he specialised in T&I did not mean he was good at negotiating with another party—usually it was more of a one sided manipulation more than anything, and he had a feeling that the demon, centuries older than him, would not take too well with manipulation.

Another incorrect assumption people made about him was that he was able to tell someone's emotional states just from their eyes. While it was true that the eyes did say much about a person, they didn't show everything. Inoichi's area of expertise lay in reading a human's emotions—he was sure that Inuzuka Tsume would have a much easier time reading the Kyuubi's.

The Kyuubi was scrutinising him, crimson irises and pupils boring into him. There were emotions in them—great and terrible, a thousand ones from lessons he had learnt over his terrible lifespan, a billion more from experiences accumulated. This was a creature who had walked in the same world as the Sage, who had fought with Senju Hashirama, who had been controlled and trodden on by Uchiha Madara, whose name had eventually become so feared and widespread that it had become synonymous with evil and suffering. A creature who people believed to be the manifestation of the most vile of thoughts and chakra, who had tales crafted featuring him, always in the opposition, always in the losing end of the spectrum, always defeated at the hands of some great hero, be it Hashirama, Madara, the Sage, or some unnamed Shinobi protagonist for the sake of justice.

Seeing the great demon now, Inoichi had no doubt that those silly little justice warriors in fiction would piss themselves should they be standing where he was, and that Hashirama and Madara were freaks to be able to even battle of par with this creature, and Uzumaki Mito and Kushina even bigger ones for being able to contain it within their stomachs.

(As for Uzumaki Naruto, his status as a complete and utter outlier, even by Konoha Shinobi standards, what with The Sannin and Hatake and all, had been established long ago in Inoichi's mind, ever since that one time he had had the displeasure of watching the boy single handedly devour an entire ten bowls of extra large sized ramen. This was only emphasised by the presence of the fox.)

Maybe all this was like one huge metaphor about how all women were secretly freaks of nature for being able to carry children in their stomachs, or maybe that children were secretly little monsters. But little Ino was an angel, so that couldn't be it. Maybe it was just the redheads.

After a long period of silence—in which his internal monologue had taken place—the great and terrible Kyuubi finally opened its maw, following which he let out a great and terrible yawn of epic proportions. The maw then closed again, having completed its task. The Kyuubi shifted a little, and beside him Naruto mimicked the action, shuffling from side to side nervously.

"Well?" The sudden word had Inoichi instantly on guard, muscles tightening minutely in preparation for saving the child and getting himself the hell out of there. The Kyuubi's voice was oddly deep, and though Inoichi wasn't quite sure what to expect, it hadn't been that.

"The Hokage wishes to know your intentions towards Naruto, and to the village." If he were a lesser shinobi then all the signs that his sympathetic nervous system had activated would have already shown through.

He was being studied again, more carefully this time. Inoichi felt strangely flattered that the Kyuubi would even make the effort to do so.

"What my intentions are should not matter." the Kyuubi drawled, revealing a smile full of teeth. "I am, after all, safely locked away within the seal of a container your village despises."

Okay. So the fox didn't want to reveal his status as a freed man. Fox. Whatever. And he also had a big problem with the people's treatment of the kid. And he may or may not use that as an excuse to attempt another flattening of the village. Inoichi could work with that.

"Though, hypothetically, should Naruto be placed in any physical danger, naturally I, as a bijuu fearing for his container's life and by extension my own, would act out."

Inoichi could only watch on with no small amount of trepidation as nine powerful tails reached behind the clueless boy, now sleeping under the influence of a genjutsu laid down earlier, and wrapped around him until he was out of sight.

"And your 'acting out' would entail?" Cautiously, he probed on, wanting to test what exactly the fox was willing to destroy should they make a move against him.

The fox's grin only grew wider.

"Violently."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Inoichi jolted awake, silently.

The first things he heard were the steady beeping of heart monitors. A quick sweep of chakra confirmed that the painful spots on his arm did in fact signify the presence of various IV drips and whatever the medics and poked him with, one of which included a chakra monitor. A glance to his side gave him the beautiful view of a brain activity monitor.

Summoned by the change in data levels, a nurse came in, followed hurriedly by the Hokage and a person Inoichi recognised as one of his more skilled clansmen, Yamanaka Inohi. As the nurse worked his way around all the tapes and needles, barely murmuring an irritated greeting (Inoichi had been to the hospital a few hundred too many times for them to display friendliness), Inoichi pushed himself up warily into a sitting position.

"You've been unconscious for the past six hours. Naruto has already woken up, but he does not recall your conversation with Neko-san."

Inoichi blanched at the fox's new codename, before recovering and replying. "He was placed under a genjutsu by Neko-kun a little after we met." The name sounded foreign on his tongue. "I've been out for six hours, Hokage-sama?"

Inohi answered this time. "Your trip this time took too much chakra. You probably didn't realise it Inoichi-sama, but your body instinctively used up an extra portion of energy just to keep your mind tethered to it, since you were not just waking through someone else's psyche, but using a very narrow gateway in there to enter an entirely new dimension." She paused, green eyes looking at the data. "Or at least we think you did. You didn't really react when you should have passed through to the new space, so the gateway must have been fully melded in with the patient's psyche, but if that were the case then you shouldn't have used so much chakra…"

She then frowned, frustrated and confused, looking very much like the distant cousin fourth times removed or something that she was. "Unless the fox was deliberately draining your chakra. But he would have had so many opportunities to keep you in a coma forever, or just take your life completely since we found that we couldn't take you back by the time you got there. But he didn't and yet you were still unconscious for six hours."

Inoichi nodded like he actually understood why that was the case. He had a bad feeling that it was simply because the fox liked toying with him, though he couldn't name why. Intuition built on his many years as a psychologist and interrogator, one could say.

Inohi and everyone else (including the Sandaime's little platoon of useless bodyguards) was then dismissed from the area, leaving just Inoichi and himself in the room.

"The Kyuubi harbours no intention of destroying the village as of now." Inoichi started. "It…he…does have objections towards the villagers' current…opinions towards Naruto. He also cares for the boy's safety and overall wellbeing and also the boys image of him, though I am unsure what his motivations are. However, he has assured me that he will not harm the boy."

The Sandaime looked thoughtful.

"He has also threatened to 'act out violently' should the boy be in danger." Inoichi reported. "He doesn't want to reveal his current freedom for now. Aside from convincing the boy that he now has a new pet, he hasn't made any effort to do much else, really. I believe that my temporary coma was a threat that he could, and would, take my life should he wish to. I did not receive an answer when I asked him how he knew the Uchiha, or the Yamanaka for that matter, though he did say something about a…rabbit woman, and some sort of tree. It is likely that Uchiha Madara might have once accessed Uzumaki Mito's mental scape in order to try and draw the Kyuubi out."

The Hokage nodded, then stilled. "A rabbit woman and a tree?"

Inoichi nodded.

Pinching his brows, the old man rose. "Thank you for that, Inoichi. I believe we should do as he asks for now." He sighed. "As much as I hate to admit, both Naruto's life and the village's wellbeing are in his hands."

Inoichi inclined his head. "Why not ask the Uchiha for help?"

The Hokage smiled, shook his head, then left.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A little info on the OC's who have appeared so far:

Uchiha Kikuna—jounin, was ANBU until she…well. Pyromaniac, was sent to therapy sessions by Yamanaka Inoichi (not necessarily conducted by him), married to Hyuuga Hikaru who is a tattoo obsessed person. They eloped. Their existences are horror stories told to the younger generations of the Uchiha clan. The Hyuuga clan sort of refuses to acknowledge their existence. She loathes the Kyuubi because he (unintentionally) destroyed her favourite stationary shop, but other than that has no particular grudge against Naruto. She did, however, have a healthy fear of Uzumaki Kushina. Uchiha Sasuke is her No.1 fan. She just doesn't know it.

Yamanaka Inohi—tokubetsu jounin, fifth best mind-bludger, best psychoanalyst for the Yamanaka clan. Does not do much fighting but can fight pretty well when it comes down to it, mostly focuses on furthering the research into the human psyche and developing more theories and jutsu for the Yamanaka clan. Is not very good at maintaining her emotional state and gets frustrated easily, hence why she isn't placed on the field as. She tends to just go for the 'blow up the mind and turn into vegetable method' when she meets are particularly strong will-powered victim. Stubborn and never gives up (being a researcher and all). A little wary of the existence of Naruto, but nothing like hatred.

The Nurse: an overworked nurse who believes he's underpaid for what he does. All nurses that appear from now on will most likely be him. He thinks he's the biggest fanboy of Tsunade. He just doesn't know about Jiraiya yet.


	6. The Inevitable Chapter About Angst

Kurama—006

THIS IS THE UPDATED VERSION OF CHAPTER 6 AFTER THE WHOLE YIN YANG MIX UP I HAVE CHANGED NOTHING EXCEPT THAT BIT EXPLAINING THE WHOLE KURAMA TRAVEL THING also I have realised that it couldn't have been pure yang chakra enabling the cloak cause Minato could do it too shh. I've only changed a little bit, nothing too much—enough for it to now make sense, I suppose.

In response to 'Anonymous Person' who made a guest review with a lot of questions….uh…well you see….I haven't exactly thought it through to that extent…. *coughcoughcough*…I was hoping to just sorta go with the flow but yes your questions gave me a lot to think of. Thanks. This chapter's contents were mostly written in answer, though, so hopefully it makes sense?

And Flowerbelle (Guest) who also pointed out a typo—thanks for that too. Too lazy to correct it anytime soon but I shall keep it in mind.

And thanks to everyone else, be it for reviewing encouraging and heartwarming…reviews, or readers in general, etc. :)

Sorry for not replying to each review individually though. -_- Also, to all the guests reading stuff on , fan fiction sends out email alerts when the chapters update, which is highly convenient for when you're following an unfinished story. Saying this out of a genuine desire to help a fellow reader, cause I had a friend before who didn't realise and ended up with a cluttered bookmarks list on safari.

On a side note, is it just me or are the chapters getting more depressing as the story goes on? I mean, technically, I should know, but I don't, so…oh well. Fun fact: originally, I started rambling on about Mikoto and her role in life as the Uchiha Matriarch, which led to this whole spiel about patriotism and how she wasted her life away but didn't regret it, which eventually led to something about Sasuke getting into Feminism. The Feminism part is posted below as a side story, so enjoy that, I guess?

XD

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The solution to the problem, decided with much hesitation and uncertainty and desire to show Danzo up and a good dosage of hope that the Sandaime really hoped was not misplaced, was to summon Uchiha Fugaku.

It was more of the other way around, actually. Sarutobi Hiruzen, in all his Hokage glory, personally visited the Uchiha compound, dismissed his ANBU guards, and waltzed quite nonchalantly into the clan head's humble home.

This was one of the few times when Hiruzen, for once, felt that his position as a Hokage actually mattered. Needless to say, all spies and ears and eyes around the house were quickly dealt with, and Uchiha Mikoto and Uchiha Itachi and even little Uchiha Sasuke were ushered out. Soon, tea (made by Fugaku, which meant that naturally Hiruzen did not drink any) was served, and the whole scene became quite a picturesque moment of two old men chatting over beverages on a warm sunny day.

Of course, while normal old men would have talked about the weather, their children (or grandchildren, in Sarutobi's case), or their cats (though cats in this case brought up far too many memories of Tora for the two shinobi's likings), these two conversed about a topic that held far more weight than that.

One could never call Sarutobi Hiruzen inefficient. A deal was quickly struck between the two, partially out of necessity and desperation, and partially out of a desire to glue together the broken parts of the village that was deteriorating at an alarming rate. Tentatively, Uchiha Fugaku agreed to allow one of the more trusted members of his clan (verified by the Yamanaka, but Morino, and by various other sources etc etc etc) to act as a supervisor in the grand scheme of Naruto's…fox problem. In return Sarutobi made many allowances, though small in size, regarding the Uchiha clan's current status within Konoha.

Danzo, of course, was not allowed to partake in any of this. The Sandaime had no doubt that the news had passed into his ears, along with those of his dear teammates—a theory quickly proven when, the very next day, his bandaged friend appeared right on his doorstep ready to scold him for carelessly interacting with the clan head. Of course, scold, in relation to Danzo, was more like 'subtly warn with vague nuances and ambiguous threats that could be interpreted in many ways but altogether meant that you should stay obedient'. The Sandaime merely took it all in stride, benign smile plastered on his wrinkled face (all teeth and wrinkles), and told the guy that all it was was a talk over tea between friends.

Even his grandson would never believe him. Nonetheless, a very much not-placated Danzo left his humble abode, dissatisfied but helpless against it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .

Yamanaka Inohi stared.

Mitarashi Anko snapped the skewer in her mouth cleanly in two, staring.

Uchiha Shisui stared, feeling quite victimised but at the same time quite flattered by all the attention he was receiving.

Jiraiya snored, head drooping intermittently as he attempted to regain lost sleep while standing.

Hatake Kakashi sneezed, nonplussed.

Tenzō stood to one side and looked embarrassed.

Everyone stared some more.

Finally, a reluctant Shisui gave in to his curiosity, stammering, "Hatake-senpai—"

"Just Kakashi-chan is fine~"

Shisui gulped. "Kakashi-san—"

"Oh no, Shisui-chan, it's Kakashi-chan. Kaka-chan works fine too, you know?"

It was at that point that Shisui gave up, cold and imaginary sweat (he was a ninja after all) dripping down his spine.

Tenzō did his best to feign nonexistence.

"Is it not possible to simply extract the Kyuubi from him?" A man with a face marred by scars pondered, crossing his arms contemplatively as he stood behind the Sandaime.

The Hokage sagely shook his head, puffing on his pipe with barely concealed delight as he watched the chaos from his crystal ball within the safety of his office. "The Kyuubi can retreat into the pocket mindscape anytime he so wishes. Taking him out would also take Naruto's life—we cannot allow that to happen."

"Hokage-sama…are you sure they'll be alright?" Nara Shikaku asked, sceptically.

"Why wouldn't they?" The Sandaime inquired, smiling down at the chaos playing out amongst the newly assigned group, whose mission it was to watch over Naruto at all costs.

"Well…you _are_ mixing Hatake, of all people, and Anko in the same group…and, well, Uchiha Shisui is after all an envoy of the Uchiha." Shikaku gave a particularly vivid cringe as Anko attempted casual murder of a close comrade. Of course, given Kakashi's level of skill, it didn't work.

"They'll be fine." The Sandaime insisted.

Nara Shikaku was not convinced.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Uzumaki Naruto stared at his cat, who was lying about being a fox (Naruto wasn't stupid, foxes did _not_ look like that!), dead in the eyes.

"Why can't I take you out with me?" He demanded, pudgy fingers reaching to tug on it's furry ear. Sharp teeth bared, warning the digits away with a few snaps. Naruto wasn't deterred—truth to be told, his cat's newest form, huggable and child-sized, was a lot less intimidating than before.

"Because people would freak out." The Kyuubi patiently explained, nine tails swishing behind languidly. He glared disdainfully out of the corner of his eye at the piles of rubbish surrounding the room, especially glowering daggers at the mountains of ramen cups stacked (quite neatly, actually) on top of each other.

"Why?" Naruto reached for his ear again. Kurama clawed at his hand, not worried that the boy would actually get hurt.

"Because." He replied, noncommittally.

"Whyyyyy?" Naruto gave up, sun coloured hair flopping to one side as he laid sideways across his worn out couch.

The fox spared him a glance.

"Because."

Naruto groaned in frustration. Then his eyes twinkled, before once again, he was sitting up, reaching for his fluffy pet in askance of a cuddle. Predictably his pet did not oblige, but it didn't matter—Naruto's goal had been accomplished anyway. That is, getting the cat's guard down. Sort of. Hopefully.

"So…." Naruto dragged, pushing himself forward and down to land on his elbows, hands cradling his chin and his eyes sparkling with some sort of deranged interest. The cat eyed him warily.

"I still haven't named you yet…" Naruto began, slyly inching closer. The cat retreated, getting up from it's sitting position.

"No." It said flatly. A disappointed moue crawled upon Naruto's face, begging for indulgence.

"But whhhhyyyyyyy?" He whined. The cat eyed him unappreciatively.

"Because."

Sensing that this was going absolutely nowhere again, Naruto instead interrogated, "So whaddya want me to call you all the time?"

A flicker of uncertainty passed through the cat's features, ephemeral.

"I'm the Kyuubi."

Naruto's head tilted sideways. "Like the monster?"

Red eyes snapped to blue ones, taking in each emotion flickering across the other's face. Kurama's heart panged with a twinge of pain, bittersweet and torturous.

"Yeah, like the monster."

Naruto eyeballed him contemplatively.

"You really wanna be a fox, huh?"

In punishment for being an asshole and refusing to acknowledge that Kurama was, in fact, not a cat, Naruto was sent by an irate fur ball to clean up his dumpster of an apartment.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Kurama blinked lazily, basking in the tepid dawn's last rays, before they turned into the searing heat so prevalent in Konoha's summer.

Naruto wasn't up yet, snoring quietly with one arm flung haphazardly over his pillow, and another reaching for the blanket kicked off by his foot long before. Kurama snorted, picking the cloth up from the clean (for once—what a miracle!) floor and draping it within reach of the boy's hands.

Still the same sun blonde hair, still the same skin of healthy tan, still the same marks etched onto his face, symbol of his status as a human prison of the most powerful tailed beast in current existence. Still the same blinding smile, the same chakra signature, the same boundless energy and determination.

Yet Kurama knew that this, this boy splayed out in front of him like a he wanted to become the first human shuriken in existence, was not _his_ Naruto, and nor was Kurama this boy's Kurama. He hadn't realised it at first—it had simply felt so natural, like one wouldn't think to appreciate feeling normal again after a cold.

His chakra was overflowing. Most specifically, his yang chakra was overflowing, bubbling up from crevices he could no longer cover—had Kurama not realised it, it would have spilled over from his body to Naruto 2.0's, and could have subsequently destroyed the boy. Seeing as there was still no yin chakra in him, Kurama surmised that his other half must still be trapped in Kaguya's digestive system after recklessly sacrificing himself in order to pull him out, acting as a substitute and enabling Kurama, the yang half, the one most familiar with Naruto, to fight by the boy's side.

Kurama thus concluded that he had, by some unknown means, managed to take over the body of the Kurama from this universe, chakra and all—meaning that their supply had pooled into one huge pot of bubbling red mass, ready to explode at a moments notice.

Hence why he was now in physical form, or at least, a tiny part of him was. Kurama wondered what would happen if they attempted bijuu mode this time round, after all, it was also because he only had yang chakra that he couldn't meld his fox form with Naruto's human one, unlike the other jinchuuriki-bijuu-duos who could grow wings and tails at a moments' notice. Now that he had double the amount of yang chakra, he supposed that either he would really really need to get that yin chakra back from the shinigami of this timeline to even begin to attempt anything vaguely un-suicidal with the boy, or he would just have to muster up enough chakra control to drip feed young Naruto a little bit of his chakra at a time to acclimatise the boy to it.

Although the second option was by far the more likely one, it did not come without it's consequences—for one, the boy had yet to accept the darker side of himself, so the chakra (now a dangerous mix of Kurama's own calm and the hatred of the original Kyuubi) could distort his personality. For two, the boy's own chakra growth could be stunted, his coils damaged. For three, it would leave its marks on his physical appearance too—darkened whisker lines, sharper teeth bordering on fangs, sharper ears and slit like pupils, deformed hands and feet into the shape of a fox's, and more—Kurama was by no means a medical expert, but he could make educated guesses that would most likely come true, and that was certainly enough to scare him into inaction.

And so Kurama stalled. He refused to start the drip feeding process from childhood—too many unknown variables that could go wrong—so it was best to wait until puberty happened, when Jiraiya was there to keep an eye on his errant godson. For now, Kurama would do his best to contain the chakra flow by wasting enough of it assuming a physical form, going back occasionally to rest.

 _"So whaddya want me to call you all the time?"_

 _"I'm the Kyuubi."_

The scene from before flickered through Kurama's mind, sending spikes of guilt threading through his heart. If he had one.

 _"Like the monster?"_

Those words had hurt. Because to Naruto, the Naruto from now, he was just that—a monster. This Naruto was not the one who had befriended him through sheer tenacity. This was not the one he had fought side by side with. This was not the one who held him in his heart with as much love as he held for everyone else he labelled as 'dear'.

This Naruto did not yet know the meaning of hard work. This Naruto had not yet stained his hand with the lives of others. This Naruto did not feel guilty pleasure at the knowledge that there were other Jinchuuriki, suffering right alongside him. This Naruto did not have to run, did not have to rely on genjutsu to just fall asleep sometimes, did not have the easy camaraderie with his teammates from both inside and out of the village. This Naruto was not the one who had brought entire nations together with 'the power of everlasting friendship and youth', was not the one who was hunted by a group of deadly criminals for something that was not his fault, was not the one who had his shoulders weighed down by the legacy of the greats before him.

Hell, Kurama didn't even know if this one even wanted to become Hokage yet—and some selfish part of him wished the boy never would, so that he wouldn't have to endure all the bullshit that the world seemed so keen on throwing at him. Kurama wanted to lock the boy away in a cage of eternal ignorance, away from everything—away from Tsunade, who had placed all her half forgotten hopes onto a single boy, away from Jiraiya, who expected Naruto to live up to far too much for a sixteen year old kid, away from Uchiha Sasuke, who hurt him over and over again, away from Haruno Sakura, who had made him promise the impossible, away from the Orochimaru, who had shattered his surrogate family, away from the Akatsuki, who saw him as nothing but a vessel without rights.

Away from himself, who would only ever interact with the boy under the illusion that maybe, just maybe, a shadow of _his_ Naruto would still be there. Away from himself, who stole away this boy's chance of finding a friendship that the other Kurama could have provided without the ghost of another universe's Naruto haunting every step. That was assuming that he had universe-hopped in the first place—for Kurama did not want to think about the possibility that there would never again exist a world in which Naruto knew and befriended Kurama of his own volition.

But perhaps it would be for the better— _his_ Naruto had died, after all, on some land far, far, away from home, with nothing but a useless fox, the cause of his misery in the first place, to cry useless tears over him.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Kurama Side Story—In Which Sasuke Becomes A Feminist

Today was the day that Uchiha Sasuke decided that he would be a feminist.

Of course, being (almost, in one month, yyaaaahhh) five years old, the idea of feminism was heavily warped in his mind.

Let it never be said that Sasuke did not have foresight. And Sasuke knew it. He knew it enough that he could predict that his older brother (best bro eveeerrrrraaahhh) Uchiha Itachi (yesyesyes it's Itachi he's so cool) wouldn't blame him if he pushed his cousin off the Sandaime's face. He knew that he was a good planner, and as a good planner, he must to all the things that a good planner must do—namely, plan.

Today he saw a bunch of women punching a white haired dude in the face. He also saw them punching his stomach, and that-part-down-there-that-he-couldn't-say-out-loud-because-that-wasn't-what-good-little-boys-did. His mind instantly registered that the old man was in danger and that it was at the hands of those ladies, and that he had heard them saying how the old guy was a 'pervert', a 'useless good for nothing', and how he 'had no respect for the female gender', and how 'this is why feminism exists'.

And he also instantly remembered how his cousin Shisui, stupid as he was, had once given him a good piece of advice which even his brother agreed on (hence why it was called 'good' like duh)—that is, to be 'popular with the ladies' when he grew up.

Little did he know, Itachi only agreed because he didn't want to put up with his parents (mother) nagging (his father glared and sighed and said it in a passive aggressive roundabout way) about not having any grandchildren when he grew up. Might as well get Sasuke to do it, since his little brother technically was the cuter and more social one out of them. Itachi was quite happy with his status was the-little-old-man-stuck-in-a-kid's-body thank you very much.

But Sasuke didn't know that so it was all okay.

Anyway. Sasuke decided that if he wanted to be a good ladies' man he'd have to be part of this feminism thing which he later learnt was called being a feminist which meant that he'd have to 'make a big deal out of everything that women were incapable of that men could do' because…well, Sasuke couldn't really remember the reason—he never could remember anything his Grandpa Hatsu said but he didn't like him anyway and neither did Itachi so whatever—but it had something to do with tempers and uncontrollable emotions. And blood. There had been something about blood in there.

So yes, today was the day that Uchiha Sasuke decided to become a feminist.

The result was, predictably, an irate Uchiha Mikoto very calmly beating the living daylights out of Grandpa Hatsu that very afternoon, Itachi cheering quietly and subtly at the side while simultaneously lecturing his brother on why Grandpa Hatsu was wrong.

The End.

. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


	7. AUTHOR'S IMPORTANT NOTE

Kurama—Author's Note

THIS IS NOT A NOTICE TELLING YOU THAT THE STORY IS GOING ON HIATUS so don't panic it's okay everything's fine sssshhhh

Lol cause I know exactly how it feels when you're expecting an update and 'boom' the author goes 'I'm gonna stop writing this story'. Nuh uh. Not happening.

Yet. (evil laugh)

Okay, just wanted to clear some stuff up. Ero-wolf-sennin, through a rather helpful review, has alerted me that my last chapter (chapter 6, recently updated for those who thought that this was the only update in the past...month?) was quite vague in its descriptions of what actually happened. To anyone who's already making theories about it, lol jokes on you I haven't planned that far yet so no confirmation or hints from me. XD

Here's the general gist of what I was (trying) to explain (but apparently failed to do so):

1\. Naruto Version 1 has died, in a double suicide with Kaguya in order to save the world in all his heroic, adorable, loveable, glory. In another dimension. Without any of his comrades beside him save for Kurama. Yes, I'm cruel, I know. Muhaha. Ha. (cries)

2\. Kurama travels back in time for some unknown reason. And yes, that is one of the parts that I literally have not planned for. It'll probably have something to do with the stability of the extra dimension in which Naruto died, but other than that, no idea.

3\. As you know, in canon, it was only half of Kurama's chakra that was sealed within Naruto-the yang half. So the yang half travels back in time, merges with Naruto Version 2's yang half, creating an imbalance-now there's two yang halves, as opposed to before where it was either just one yang half, or both in and yang making a perfectly stable whole. So this imbalance of two yang halves creates an overflow of volatile chakra. In terms of sciency shit, think of acids and bases. Put the right amount of acid (sour stuff that can melt through things, think lemon juice but concentrated and corrosive) in with the right amount of alkaline (base-bitter stuff that can also melt through things, think bleach but worse), and you get water, perfectly neutral and useable (possibly a little bit of salt in there too but who cares). But if you mix an acid with more (of the same) acid it's still acid, except now you've got more of this really dangerous substance in your hands that could potentially ruin your life via some unfortunate accident or another. And yes I am showing off. Studying all that confusing stuff has got to be good for _something_ after all, right?

4\. Anyway.

5\. To prevent this overflow of chakra from doing any harm, i.e. permanent mutilation of Naruto's psyche or physical body, or death, or stunted growth, or mutations cause Naruto's a growing boy (Version 2, that is, cause Kurama already had to suffer through human male puberty with Version 1 and ooh there's an idea), Kurama decided that a good outlet for this was to concentrate this excess chakra and make it into a physical form. Hence huggable, child friendly (not really) Kurama the size of a rather fat cat (aww).

6\. Which means that now Kakashi, Shisui, Tenzo, and whoever else I put in that group (I forgot, but I'll remember to check when writing the next chapter) have to deal with Naruto AND a miniature Kyuubi.

Also, please do not expect this to be too realistic. Legit I feel like Kurama should be panicking and grieving a bit more, especially after reading 'reverse' by black. (started reading a few days ago and it's really really good cried within the first chapter do check it out)

(also check out author The Carnivorous Muffin and BoomVroomShroom, the former who is a good author with a good reading list (check at your own risk, mental scarring is not my fault) and the latter who is also a good author whose reading list I have not yet perused. I plan to. Someday. One day. )

(Again, if you decide to go through the reading lists of people BEWARE of mental scarring and traumatising reading content though I doubt many of you are _that_ innocent).

Adieux, and I bid you farewell-happy reading!

P.S. School holidays rn, so, well, I won't say 'expect more chapters' cause that probably ain't happening, but look out?

P.P.S: Hey how sad is it that this author's note has about 300 or so more words than the first chaper


	8. AUTHOR'S NOTE 2

OKAY EVERYBODY APPARENTLY THAT STUFF WAS ALL WRONG IT WAS THE YING HALF OF KURAMA IN NARUTO V1 NOT THE YANG CAUSE KAGUYA ATE IT ABORT MISSION I'M SO SORRY THIS WAS WRITTEN SOMETIME AT 10PM IN AUSTRALIA VICTORIA TIME ZONE OR WHATEVER PLEASE READ THE UPDATE OF CHAPTER 6 AGAIN...which should be up in roughly...2 hours? It's the 3rd of April right now 2017 in case anyone panics.

I am fully guilty of not paying attention to those last few very chapters of the manga so...yeah. An apology to every Naruto fan out there who probably wants to gut me right now if they hear this. -_-'

SO YEAH EVERYONE JUST TAKE THAT LAST AUTHOR'S NOTE PAGE AS A BELATED APRIL FOOL'S DAY JOKE. HAPPY APRIL FOOLS.


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